Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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