Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(818): View more from California

So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?

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(718): View more from New York

Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!

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(937): View more from Ohio

We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture

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(540): View more from Virginia

She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.

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(860): View more from Connecticut

I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.

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(386): View more from Florida

Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.

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(443): View more from Maryland

And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks

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(865): View more from Tennessee

At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.

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(330): View more from Ohio

sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.

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