I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
