He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
