im drinking this country out of the recession.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize