My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Fuck me I smell like cheese
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
