Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
