I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i used baking grease as lip gloss
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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