You smell like stripper and shame
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
