His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
