Why are handjobs necessary in class?
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
