I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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