why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Randomize
