i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Randomize
