I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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