Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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