So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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