I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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