Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
