What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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