it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
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