I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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