Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
