Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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