3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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