Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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