you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
