Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
