why im i the only drunk person in the library?
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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