then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
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Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
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Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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