idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
