you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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