that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
This baby is an asshole
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
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