Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I just gift wrapped bread.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
