Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
