i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
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Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
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I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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