last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
