Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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