My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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