insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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