my shit smells like andre
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
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I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
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My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
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