Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
