the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
