HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
