I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
