My Higher Power is John Stamos
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
