i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
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You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
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So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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