Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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