hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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