yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
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