Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
