i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
