it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
