we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
