i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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