then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
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