seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
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Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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