sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize