Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
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