my soul wont recognize me after tonight
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
