I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
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