theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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