I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
