Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
