I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
