he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
