I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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