I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
How does one acquire holy water?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
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