I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
