How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
