woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
We were destined to go to rehab together
You pole danced in your parka.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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