ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
