FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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