i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
