you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
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