well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
